i don't even know where to begin. it's been over a month since i have posted. it feels like a year. so much has happened. the purpose of this blog was to capture this year in writing, and the last month has been a pretty significant month, so it makes me sad that i have not jotted down my thoughts and feelings as a reminder. here's my attempt to do a quick recap...a simply selfish act, so don't feel obligated to read...
wednesdays started out easy (my lenten practice of fasting), but have become hard. it's not always fun to feel less than great and be so introspective on what is keeping me from being in a more perfect relationship with God.
i was blessed by two retreats...one with the women of hcumc and one with the youth of saumc. seeing the stars reminded me of God's promises (and now this is a reminder that i was comforted then!) and singing worship songs with my st. andrew people was so renewing.
my good friend allie from duke spent a week with me. so fun. first weekend was full of reminiscing and laughs with several duke friends and a little basketball. we celebrated the upcoming marriage of tina and josh. throughout the week allie and i had good conversations, and i was reminded of how our friendship is truly a gift.
experiences in the hospital took me to the edge. situations i didn't know how to handle pushed my boundaries. i learned that authentically caring for others and revealing a genuine part of myself can be dangerous. i've also realized how hard it is to hear "do you have a family? kids of your own? oh, you're so beautiful"...i seriously hear something like this on average every other day...on the surface they seem harmless, but the reality is that it's often very painful.
i took a couple long walks with God to welcome in spring. i'm pretty sure i heard God answer a prayer i had been praying fervently...it just wasn't the answer i was looking for. so, once again i call upon my faith and trust in God's provision. it's so much easier said than done.
my mom, brother and his family spent the weekend with me. being around them brings me so much joy. jacob and josh are little reminders of how gracious God is to God's people.
and to wrap up...i was approved for ordination as a deacon in the united methodist church. hmmm...still not sure how to articulate what that feels like. there is both joy and fear. i feel confident that i am in God's will, but sometimes i wonder where i am being led and why i have been chosen for such a task.
as our journeys get closer to the cross (holy week), i think about Jesus carrying that cross up to his death. i know we all have a cross to bear...it just scares me to think about what mine might be.
