balloons. for me there was always something about them that made me happy. bouquets at birthday parties, a single balloon tied around my wrist, or even watching one float up in the sky with wonder. always happy, unless someone came along and popped it. then, happiness turned to fright at the sound of the pop and then fright turned to sadness at the loss of that simple thing that was no longer there...and it all happened in an instant.
that's what this past week felt like for me. the balloon that was tied to my wrist on the day that i was offered my permanent position at the hospital was suddenly popped...it was shocking and scary in the moment, but the real feelings of sadness and loss of dreams is what makes each day so hard right now. but wait...I STILL HAVE A JOB...i keep reminding myself of that, especially in times when lots of people don't have jobs. however, things have changed.
very unexpectedly, the director of the spiritual care department was terminated last friday. no one really knows why...even he was shocked by the news. it was a jolting reminder that big businesses all function the same, at times executives don't see eye to eye, and often one exerts power over another that changes people's lives forever. i'm just one of hundreds that have been affected by his unfortunate circumstance. the stories told this week about how he has impacted lives is overwhelming.
as i continue to grieve the loss over the separation, i struggle with feelings of anger and just plain sadness for him and for me. i felt so strongly that we were all in the will of God as we dreamed about the programs at the hospital that i would eventually be a part of under his leadership. as he stood with me at my ordination, it was symbolically marking the beginning of this new direction in ministry, and i was filled with joy. the future of those ministries is uncertain now, and that makes me uneasy.
as a person of faith and one who ultimately trusts in God, i have been asking a lot of questions this week. i don't know what my job will look like come september, so once again i find myself trying to be patient in the waiting. but with each day, the haze is lifting, and i am beginning to imagine again. so, here's what i'm thinking today: maybe the balloon didn't pop...maybe it just came untied from my wrist and has floated off, leaving me to wonder where it will end up.
that's what this past week felt like for me. the balloon that was tied to my wrist on the day that i was offered my permanent position at the hospital was suddenly popped...it was shocking and scary in the moment, but the real feelings of sadness and loss of dreams is what makes each day so hard right now. but wait...I STILL HAVE A JOB...i keep reminding myself of that, especially in times when lots of people don't have jobs. however, things have changed.
very unexpectedly, the director of the spiritual care department was terminated last friday. no one really knows why...even he was shocked by the news. it was a jolting reminder that big businesses all function the same, at times executives don't see eye to eye, and often one exerts power over another that changes people's lives forever. i'm just one of hundreds that have been affected by his unfortunate circumstance. the stories told this week about how he has impacted lives is overwhelming.
as i continue to grieve the loss over the separation, i struggle with feelings of anger and just plain sadness for him and for me. i felt so strongly that we were all in the will of God as we dreamed about the programs at the hospital that i would eventually be a part of under his leadership. as he stood with me at my ordination, it was symbolically marking the beginning of this new direction in ministry, and i was filled with joy. the future of those ministries is uncertain now, and that makes me uneasy.
as a person of faith and one who ultimately trusts in God, i have been asking a lot of questions this week. i don't know what my job will look like come september, so once again i find myself trying to be patient in the waiting. but with each day, the haze is lifting, and i am beginning to imagine again. so, here's what i'm thinking today: maybe the balloon didn't pop...maybe it just came untied from my wrist and has floated off, leaving me to wonder where it will end up.
