Today felt heavy for me as a chaplain. There were lots of tears. Some people even teared up simply in response to my introduction…haven’t quite processed what that is all about. I say, “Hi, I’m Stacy, one of the chaplains here in the hospital, and I am just coming by to check on you today…to see if there is any way that I can be praying for you” and their eyes fill up. It’s either fear or pain or both. I am thankful that God creates this space and time for these people to express their emotion, but it’s still surprising to me that strangers feel comfortable pouring out their soul to me. I don’t really offer any response, just acknowledgment of what they are saying and feeling. I hope that my listening and acknowledging is helpful…I know it’s helping me in some profound ways.
Although my mind is foggy, and I can’t sort out who said what to me today, one thing sticks out. A woman’s pain, expressed with tears, was rooted in her failure to be "a success." I kept pressing her on what she meant by success. After a while several things were revealed. She had lost her home, her marriage, her job, her insurance, her ‘girlish figure’, etc. She kept saying how blessed she was by the gift of her two daughters and the loving relationship that she had with them, but that wasn’t enough for her for some reason. Success to her was having a home, a job, a husband, and a body she was proud of. I quickly urged her to see that what she was saying was really only success in the eyes of the world and that what mattered was success in the eyes of God…loving God and others well.
Hmmm…it’s amazing how easy it is for me to speak truth into the pain of another, yet accepting it for me is another story. I saw a lot of myself in her today, and the truth is...today still feels a little heavy. Praise God that tomorrow is a NEW day!
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