the teenager

so the last 10days have been heavy. last weekend i went back to the ruah center for a 24hr silent retreat. no super profound revelations from God like last time, which is why i never sat down to write about it when i got home. i felt a little weighed down by my own thoughts and slightly depleted during, but by the end i did feel alive and full of God. and, as i reflect on the last week, i sense that God gave me that time to prepare me for conversations and interactions with people in the hospital where i would feel much of the same.

although there were many people i could write about this week, i'm going to stay focused on just one...i'll call him "the teenager." he is 16yrs old and in my heart failure unit. muscular dystrophy is attacking his heart. he had a pacemaker put in a few weeks ago and and LVAD just over a week ago. WHAT?!?! seriously. he has a wire coming out of his stomach that he keeps plugged into a machine that does all the work that the heart normally does so that his heart can strengthen.

i had the JOY of being there as his mom learned how to use his new machine and the battery packs so he can actually go places a few hours at a time. i went with them on their first journey with the batteries...we wheeled him outside to the healing garden where he breathed fresh air for the first time in 3 weeks. he was so thankful and knew how to express that...at the age of 16. let me repeat...he was thankful that he was able to carry a battery pack around that allowed him to stay "plugged in" which is what is keeping him alive right now. let's talk about keeping things in perspective.

some of my favorite moments with him this week: he asked me everyday where my aggie ring was and was super happy when i remembered to wear it on friday. he loved to talk college basketball and tell me about his girlfriend. he asked me to take him to the chapel and while we were in there he asked me to pray for him. i wish he did not have to be in the hospital, but i selfishly can't wait to spend more time with him this week.

over the weekend stephanie introduced me to these poems written by another teenager who fought muscular dystrophy...mattie j.t. stepanek...he was oprah and today show famous. he has since passed away, but his life is still touching many people. one of his poems spoke to me, so i'm including it today...it's about thankfulness and helps capture what the teenager taught me this week.

may God continue to put people in my life like the teenager and mattie who weigh heavy on my heart and make me feel depleted with sadness, yet who have been the people God works through to bring about life and fullness in me.

on being thankful
by mattie j.t. stepanek

dear God,
i was going to thank you tonight
for a beautiful sunrise,
that was pink behind the fog down the hill,
and for a wonderful rainbow,
that i ran under pointing to
all my favorite colors,
and for such a great sunset,
that sparkled orange across the water.
i was going to thank you tonight
for all of these special gifts,
except that none of them happened.
but do you know what?
i still love you, God.
and i have lots of other things
that i can thank you for tonight,
even if you didn't give those
very special gifts to me today.
it's okay, God,
because i'll look for them all again,
when my tomorrow comes.
amen.

november 1995