well, i just spent 13hrs on call in the hospital. it was non-stop. and, i have never received so many "happy mother's day" wishes...i learned to just smile, say "thank you" and move on. no need to make others feel awkward, right? this easily could have worked me up, but one visit today kept things in perspective.
i sat with a mom who watched her son take his last breath. i immediately thought this must be the worst mother's day ever. my heart was breaking for her. and then without prompting she said that she'd just received the most wonderful mother's day gift...she was thankful that he is no longer trapped in his body...she imagined him dancing and running and being embraced by God and that made her smile. then, i watched her as she opened the card that his caretaker bought for him to sign today...he never got a chance to sign it, but she read it and whispered to him that she would treasure it forever. ughh. what a moment. she gave thanks to God for entrusting him to her for 27years. she chose to acknowledge God in the midst of something very painful.
i was reminded of a couple of things today. one, sitting with others in their pain can sometimes be the best medicine for my own pain. focusing on others helps me get outside of my own thoughts. two, i can choose to acknowledge God in the midst of a painful or somewhat uncomfortable circumstance and be thankful for the blessings i have been given. hmmm. not always easy. God, help me to be more like that mom today.
happy mother's day to all the mom's out there...and if you're not a mom, don't just smile, say "thank you"and move on...say a little prayer for your mom or anyone who has ever been a mom to you. we have all been blessed by someone.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
the new beginnings
yesterday i had the joy of co-officiating floyd and michelle's wedding in plano. first time back since the move. their wedding was probably one of the most worshipful weddings i have ever been to. i was crying when she walked down the aisle to david crowder's "how he loves." i had to pull it together and remind myself that i was the pastor. God was glorified by the entire service and witnessing floyd and michelle become husband and wife made me say, "this is what marriage is supposed to be." i can't wait to see how God uses them as they have committed to love and serve together for the rest of their lives. what a beautiful new beginning.
now speaking of new beginnings...i am in a place in my life where i can't help but be thankful for some new beginnings of my own.
first up, i'm going to be on staff permanently at the methodist hospital after my residency is over in august! back in january, i expressed my desire to stay on board and God made some things happen. we haven't formally come up with my job description, but it will be some patient care (i'll be the staff chaplain for certain areas of the hospital), some work with our lay ministry program (teaching for our institute and college that equips lay people to be ministers in the hospital on a volunteer basis, leading spiritual formation retreats, etc.), some administrative work for the department and hopefully making some efforts to keep the hospital connected with the conference and the local churches. my hope is that my primary focus is with the lay ministry, and i think that is where it's headed. i love the people i will be working alongside and the overall feel of the hospital. i get excited about going to work, and i dream about all the opportunities this new beginning will present.
next up, with the new job comes a new place to live! i just put a deposit down on a super cool apartment in midtown. it's a new mid-rise, and it's all about location, location, location. it's small, but i love it! the little balconies off my main room and my bedroom offer me a view of downtown when looking left...so fun. one of the best perks of the place is that it is one block from the light rail, so no more driving to work! a little change from the hour commute i do now. just a short walk, then 5 stops later on the rail i'm at the front doors of methodist! yes, urban living, here i come. yet, another new beginning...
so just when we think that the sun is setting on our world, we wake up to another sunrise and are reminded that our God is a creating God who loves us so much that new beginnings are being offered endlessly.
Monday, April 26, 2010
the bake day
another great weekend. beautiful weather. saw kk and kyle's new house. had time to rest and time to PLAY with our refugee friends! this time we had options...games at the park or baking at the church. i opted for the baking. so fun to see these girls crack an egg for the first time and use a measuring cup. one of our amazing young adults at hcumc, liz, organized the day and captured some of the fun on camera... 
Monday, April 19, 2010
the reminder
the best part of my day...
walking down the hall, seeing an 85yr old man sitting on the edge of his bed in a dimly lit room, and making a split decision to stop in. i introduced myself and pulled up a chair next to his bed. during the course of the conversation i learned that he has no surviving family accept 2 step children who call and come by as often as they can. i asked him what he had been thinking about. he replied that he doesn't know what he thinks anymore. his loneliness made me sad.
so why would that be the best part of my day? because for a moment i was used by God to remind this man that he is loved by God. and in that moment i was reminded of how loved i am by God too.
if you're reading this, know that regardless of where you are or who you are that God is pursuing you and loves you beyond your imagination...even when you feel like an 85yr old man sitting in a dimly lit room who doesn't know what to think anymore.
walking down the hall, seeing an 85yr old man sitting on the edge of his bed in a dimly lit room, and making a split decision to stop in. i introduced myself and pulled up a chair next to his bed. during the course of the conversation i learned that he has no surviving family accept 2 step children who call and come by as often as they can. i asked him what he had been thinking about. he replied that he doesn't know what he thinks anymore. his loneliness made me sad.
so why would that be the best part of my day? because for a moment i was used by God to remind this man that he is loved by God. and in that moment i was reminded of how loved i am by God too.
if you're reading this, know that regardless of where you are or who you are that God is pursuing you and loves you beyond your imagination...even when you feel like an 85yr old man sitting in a dimly lit room who doesn't know what to think anymore.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
the encounter
these last couple of days in the hospital have been a blessing. in my last post i spoke about the bondage experienced by so many of those who find themselves here. i prayed that God would encounter those who are hurting...well, God's doing a pretty good job...encountering me.
i sat with this sweet woman this morning as her husband died. what a gift to be with someone during such an intimate time. she told me stories about their lives as we waited for her daughters to arrive. here is my reflection to remind me of this sacred encounter...
The Dance
"May I have this dance?"
He asked confidently.
"Of course."
She answered sweetly.
The beginning of a new life together,
where their shining moment
was a dance
in their boots
in Hollywood.
"I'll miss you."
She said tearfully.
One last breath.
He breathed peacefully.
The beginning of a new life yet again,
where their shining moment
will be a dance
in their boots
in Heaven.
To be heard by everyone.
i sat with this sweet woman this morning as her husband died. what a gift to be with someone during such an intimate time. she told me stories about their lives as we waited for her daughters to arrive. here is my reflection to remind me of this sacred encounter...
The Dance
"May I have this dance?"
He asked confidently.
"Of course."
She answered sweetly.
The beginning of a new life together,
where their shining moment
was a dance
in their boots
in Hollywood.
"I'll miss you."
She said tearfully.
One last breath.
He breathed peacefully.
The beginning of a new life yet again,
where their shining moment
will be a dance
in their boots
in Heaven.
To be heard by everyone.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
the rollercoaster
up, up, up we go, then down so fast that it feels like our stomach is going to fall out...it's a crazy feeling. but, for me, riding a rollercoaster is totally worth it!
it's the second sunday of easter. for many, the season of lent and the celebration of our risen Lord feels like weeks ago...not just days ago. so much happens in a week. our lives go in directions we could not have imagined. many of us experience moments of doubt and fear and then thank God most of us return to a life of assurance and faith, but only by the grace of God.
i am thankful for the moments that bring me back to that life of assurance and faith in a good God who has a good plan for me. sipping on a good cup of saturday morning coffee, jump roping and playing soccer with our refugee friends, enjoying the weather, and taking little maggie for a wagon ride around the neighborhood today are little reminders that i am right where i need to be...on the rollercoaster.
tonight i will find myself on call in the hospital from 7p-7a...a place where people are most likely not experiencing the joy i experienced this weekend. sickness and disease keep them in bondage; their bodies are unable to be so free. my prayer is that God meets them right in the midst of their doubt and fear so that they may either return or find for the very first time the joy that comes from a life of assurance and faith. or maybe the joy will simply come in knowing that they are on a rollercoaster and they are not alone.
thank you, God, for sitting next to us on the ride...
it's the second sunday of easter. for many, the season of lent and the celebration of our risen Lord feels like weeks ago...not just days ago. so much happens in a week. our lives go in directions we could not have imagined. many of us experience moments of doubt and fear and then thank God most of us return to a life of assurance and faith, but only by the grace of God.
i am thankful for the moments that bring me back to that life of assurance and faith in a good God who has a good plan for me. sipping on a good cup of saturday morning coffee, jump roping and playing soccer with our refugee friends, enjoying the weather, and taking little maggie for a wagon ride around the neighborhood today are little reminders that i am right where i need to be...on the rollercoaster.
tonight i will find myself on call in the hospital from 7p-7a...a place where people are most likely not experiencing the joy i experienced this weekend. sickness and disease keep them in bondage; their bodies are unable to be so free. my prayer is that God meets them right in the midst of their doubt and fear so that they may either return or find for the very first time the joy that comes from a life of assurance and faith. or maybe the joy will simply come in knowing that they are on a rollercoaster and they are not alone.
thank you, God, for sitting next to us on the ride...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
the last month
i don't even know where to begin. it's been over a month since i have posted. it feels like a year. so much has happened. the purpose of this blog was to capture this year in writing, and the last month has been a pretty significant month, so it makes me sad that i have not jotted down my thoughts and feelings as a reminder. here's my attempt to do a quick recap...a simply selfish act, so don't feel obligated to read...
wednesdays started out easy (my lenten practice of fasting), but have become hard. it's not always fun to feel less than great and be so introspective on what is keeping me from being in a more perfect relationship with God.
i was blessed by two retreats...one with the women of hcumc and one with the youth of saumc. seeing the stars reminded me of God's promises (and now this is a reminder that i was comforted then!) and singing worship songs with my st. andrew people was so renewing.
my good friend allie from duke spent a week with me. so fun. first weekend was full of reminiscing and laughs with several duke friends and a little basketball. we celebrated the upcoming marriage of tina and josh. throughout the week allie and i had good conversations, and i was reminded of how our friendship is truly a gift.
experiences in the hospital took me to the edge. situations i didn't know how to handle pushed my boundaries. i learned that authentically caring for others and revealing a genuine part of myself can be dangerous. i've also realized how hard it is to hear "do you have a family? kids of your own? oh, you're so beautiful"...i seriously hear something like this on average every other day...on the surface they seem harmless, but the reality is that it's often very painful.
i took a couple long walks with God to welcome in spring. i'm pretty sure i heard God answer a prayer i had been praying fervently...it just wasn't the answer i was looking for. so, once again i call upon my faith and trust in God's provision. it's so much easier said than done.
my mom, brother and his family spent the weekend with me. being around them brings me so much joy. jacob and josh are little reminders of how gracious God is to God's people.
and to wrap up...i was approved for ordination as a deacon in the united methodist church. hmmm...still not sure how to articulate what that feels like. there is both joy and fear. i feel confident that i am in God's will, but sometimes i wonder where i am being led and why i have been chosen for such a task.
as our journeys get closer to the cross (holy week), i think about Jesus carrying that cross up to his death. i know we all have a cross to bear...it just scares me to think about what mine might be.
wednesdays started out easy (my lenten practice of fasting), but have become hard. it's not always fun to feel less than great and be so introspective on what is keeping me from being in a more perfect relationship with God.
i was blessed by two retreats...one with the women of hcumc and one with the youth of saumc. seeing the stars reminded me of God's promises (and now this is a reminder that i was comforted then!) and singing worship songs with my st. andrew people was so renewing.
my good friend allie from duke spent a week with me. so fun. first weekend was full of reminiscing and laughs with several duke friends and a little basketball. we celebrated the upcoming marriage of tina and josh. throughout the week allie and i had good conversations, and i was reminded of how our friendship is truly a gift.
experiences in the hospital took me to the edge. situations i didn't know how to handle pushed my boundaries. i learned that authentically caring for others and revealing a genuine part of myself can be dangerous. i've also realized how hard it is to hear "do you have a family? kids of your own? oh, you're so beautiful"...i seriously hear something like this on average every other day...on the surface they seem harmless, but the reality is that it's often very painful.
i took a couple long walks with God to welcome in spring. i'm pretty sure i heard God answer a prayer i had been praying fervently...it just wasn't the answer i was looking for. so, once again i call upon my faith and trust in God's provision. it's so much easier said than done.
my mom, brother and his family spent the weekend with me. being around them brings me so much joy. jacob and josh are little reminders of how gracious God is to God's people.
and to wrap up...i was approved for ordination as a deacon in the united methodist church. hmmm...still not sure how to articulate what that feels like. there is both joy and fear. i feel confident that i am in God's will, but sometimes i wonder where i am being led and why i have been chosen for such a task.
as our journeys get closer to the cross (holy week), i think about Jesus carrying that cross up to his death. i know we all have a cross to bear...it just scares me to think about what mine might be.
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