the thanksgiving trip

where did november go? thanksgiving has come and gone. today is the first day of advent. it's hard to believe.

i am thankful for the time i spent with family on thursday and friday. we gathered at my brother's house where we ate good food, caught up on our lives, and played lots of guess who? and rockband. yes, rockband. ryan said we had to wait until after lunch to play, and i'm pretty sure that the first beat of the drum occurred about 10 minutes after the prayer (or invocation as ryan likes to say). ryan started out on vocals, jacob on drums, and josh on guitar. it was a borderline nightmare to listen to. don't worry, i saved the day. it was quite a shining star moment. i held the vocals, ryan moved to guitar and jacob and josh worked the drums as a team...we finally made it all the way through a song without getting boo'd off the stage. you would have liked to have been there, i'm sure of it. i know we made my grandmother proud...i bet she was never so ready to return to her quiet little home at the summit.

in all seriousness, it was fun to be with my family. i spent some good time with both my dad and my mom. my brother and i had some real bonding moments. and, as always i love just playing with my nephews. there is real joy amidst the chaos and the unique coming together of people.

one other hi-light from the trip to austin: i came home with a new wii! yes, i was one of the crazy people up at 4:15am in hopes of getting a doorbuster, and it happened. a little speed walking through the store, jumping over a palette, maybe nudging a few people, and reaching to grab one of the last 5 wii's left while 4 other hands grabbed the remaining provided me with my christmas present just a little early. stephanie is starting to set it up for us as i'm typing. we are about to bust out a little wii fit/animated jillian from the biggest loser...only after i kick some booty at bowling. thanks mom for letting me bring it home!

more on advent to come...

the retreat

required event for ordination: singles clergy retreat. sounded like a nightmare to me at first. i prayed it was not 2 days focused on "embracing your singleness" and/or how the church "needs" people like us. they wouldn't have been ready for all my emotions, i'm sure of it.

opening worship: the preacher said something to the effect of "i didn't realize until i got here that i was preaching to single CLERGY. i have actually never thought about how hard it must be for you all." note: the tone was of sheer surprise...not that he didn't know who we were, but simply that we ARE single clergy...it was like he had never thought about US before...all of the sudden i was put in a category. that was exactly what i did not want to highlight for 2 days. i silently cried throughout most of the sermon.

praise the lord. in comes dr. jo bailey wells, one of my professors from duke. she was our speaker for the retreat. she never once made me think about my singleness in the way i did during that first hour. she was there to lead us through isaiah's call story. she was there on behalf of God to teach us about God's holiness, confession, forgiveness, to help me reaffirm my call into full-time ministry, and to lead me in a time of renewal of mind, body and spirit. literally, my mind was renewed through the in depth, yet devotional study on isaiah 6:1-8. my body was renewed through a long walk amidst the trees and around the lake and through a game of tennis. my spirit was renewed through the fellowship of good friends, the intentional prayer time, the music and a game of bananagrams, my new FAVORITE game!

the retreat reminded me once again about how important it is to schedule times of retreat. maybe we can't all take 2 days away, but we can start with a small increment of time each day.

below are some of the creative writings i wrote on the retreat. the first one is my attempt to capture my vision of God. jo told us that "holy" is used to describe God. in the time of the writers, saying a word 2x in a row was the superlative. so, holy, holy would have been supreme holiness. however, in an attempt to express God's holiness as beyond the superlative, they wrote it 3x...a super superlative! beyond our imagination.

A Vision of God

Holy, Holy, Holy
Sitting on a throne
Yet filling the earth.

Holy, Holy, Holy
Listening to our cries
Yet desiring to be heard.

Holy, Holy, Holy
Limiting my insight
Yet revealing graciously.

the second one i wrote was trying to capture my confession. we were lead into a time of confession the second night, where we all spoke our confession aloud in front of the group...eyes closed, heads bowed. after the confessions, we sung "kyrie elesion" which translates, "lord, have mercy."

A Confession

Isaiah’s gift was speaking
Yet he had unclean lips.
Isaiah confesses.
God forgives with the
Touch of live coals.

My gift is listening
Yet I have prideful ears.
I confess.
God forgives with the
Sound of the Kyrie.

the last one i wrote is pretty self explanatory, i hope.

The Safest Place

The sailor’s storm
Finds her at sea
Longing for the harbor
To be safe.
Yet tossing the cargo
And riding the waves
Tied to the Mast
Is the safest place.

the saints

today is all saints sunday in the church. it is an intentional time in our year when we remember and celebrate all the saints who have gone before us, those who walk with us in the present, and those who will carry on our faith in the future.

my friend stephanie is preaching on revelation 21 this morning...

1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

some of her thoughts on this text have really impacted me. she reminds us that God gives us:
a vision of HOPE saying, "i saw a new heaven and a new earth."
a vision of COMFORT saying, "he will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
a vision of POWER saying, "death will be no more."
a vision of TRANSFORMATION saying, "i am making all things new."
she said, the saints in her life reflect God's actions in this passage, and i agree.

so, join me in remembering and celebrating the saints in your life, as i reflect on the saints in my life...past, present and future. give God all the glory and praise. be thankful.

the gratitude

Over the past week, I have found myself thankful for many things. I realize that much of my theology centers on gratitude. I start almost every prayer giving thanks to God for the gift of a new day. I often feel overwhelmed by the many blessings I have in my life.

I am thankful for the opportunity to continue my education. Remember how bitter I was about having to take that preaching class on Tuesday nights? Well, I started it last week, and I really think I am going to enjoy it. I was reminded of how privileged I am to even be in class again.

I am thankful for my family. I was able to go home to Corpus and celebrate my dad’s 60th birthday this past weekend. We surprised him by having family and friends gather on his boat after the final cruise on Saturday night. He had no idea. Biggest part of the surprise was that his brother and sister flew down from Northern Virginia to be with us. We all cried when dad saw them for the first time. It was a beautiful moment. Good conversations, lots of love and laughs in the short time I got to be with everyone. Every time I am around my family learn a little bit more about who I am.
(in picture: uncle davy, me, aunt debbie, dad, brother ryan)

I am thankful for a strength that comes from God while I am serving in the hospital. I am currently on call 7am-7pm. I just shared a sacred moment with a family. The patient took her last breath while I was talking to her. That was a first for me…I’ve experienced several deaths, but never have I been so actively involved when it happened. When the daughter realized that she was gone she said “That was exactly what she needed. Thank you for talking so peacefully to her. I know God is holding her.” I am thankful that she knows God in that way. I pray that we can all experience death with such assurance.

Good is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Oh, and although there are MANY other things I am thankful for...here are two more...nephews Josh and Jacob at the Redskins game last weekend. Yes, the house is divided!!

the insulation

who ever thought blown in insulation was a good idea? seriously. the person who invented those pink rolls of insulation that is not in 100 billion individual particles is a genius.

i am in iowa doing flood relief this weekend. i was on the demolition team responsible for the final stages of gutting out a house that was built in the 20's or 30's. i spent the day on a ladder pulling down the ceiling and with each pry of a 2" slat came plaster and buckets of the above mentioned insulation. i was covered in it. goggles, hard hat, mask. yes, it was a sight.

now i lay here at the baymont inn in cedar rapids trying to decide if i am clean or not. clue #1 that i am not...after my shower i wiped off my face with the towel and there was dirt on it. my friend paige just got back and all we did was laugh with out speaking for a couple of minutes...we are both so sore!! tomorrow should be fun.

why am i here? the cabinet (the group of people who make our appointments in the church) brought us here to get to know us in a less formal setting. believe me, we are getting to know each other well. they aren't the ones who will be interviewing us in march to decide if we will be ordained or not, but we know they all talk. so, guess what? we are working hard and being on our best behavior ;) more importantly, we are representing the texas annual conference of the umc...we made a commitment to help them last fall after they flooded in june 2008, but did not go then because of ike. i am honored to be here making good on their promise.

although i am filthy from the insulation, the work here is cleansing in so many ways. glory be to god.

the drip

the weekend was full. dining with the graham family in the woodlands. tailgating and game watching with friends in college station. wearing sweatshirts. blessing pets. celebrating God's goodness.

the hospital seemed quiet today. as the rain came down, i noticed several empty beds. however, it simply allowed me to listen to a different kind of people. a secretary shared how she struggles with her failing eye sight. another chaplain shared some of his painful childhood memories. a nurse shared her feelings about burying her child last weekend. the patients aren't the only ones who suffer.

i did have a very significant visit with a patient though. she was hesitant at first, but as i sat in the chair next to her (i usually stand), she began to share. she worries, and she has a lot to worry about. she prays, but its hard to really surrender. i moved to sit on her bed (bold move on my part) so that we could pray together. she held my hand so tight. after i said amen, i looked up and her eyes were still closed...she had not let go of my hand either. after a moment, i asked her what she was thinking about. she said she was thinking about what it meant to really give it over to God. i closed my eyes too. we sat in silence, except for the sound of the dripping iv, for about 5 minutes. try sitting in silence for 5 minutes...its a long time. but, most of the time giving our burdens over to God takes a long time. here's my attempt to remember my visit:

the drip

the drip of the iv
kept time in the silence
while two hands clutched,
praying that burdens would
drip just as rhythmically
into the hands of our Lord.

the poem

so my supervisor encouraged us to write some poetry. that stresses me out. i don't know how to write poetry. i don't know the rules. she thought it might help us process and express our thoughts about a meaningful conversation. so, i tried it.

Perfectly Placed

They gather to be near her,
They offer their stories.

It’s chaotic.

I want to be near her too
I offer a loving touch.

It’s silent.

She asks what death looks and feels like
I have nothing to offer.

It’s scary.

She tells me the flower is wilting
I offer my ear.

It’s moving.

Two weeks pass, I hear of her dying
I offer my prayers.

She is blooming, perfectly placed
By her Maker in a bouquet.

It’s beautiful.