two totally amazing experiences in the last two days:
1. i met a man in the hospital who i will never forget. he is hiv+ and a virus has attacked his body that is shutting it down at a rapid pace. two weeks ago he was "perfectly fine." two days ago he hurt, but he was walking. yesterday, he was using a bedpan for the first time, because he could not get out of bed.
he had been waiting for me to come. he wept loudly as i held his hand. he told me that he didn't want to die. he was scared. i was sad. he asked me to call upon the Lord for him because he needed to feel God in that moment. now i was scared. i prayed. i cried as i prayed. he found a place of peace. one of his quotes will remain with me forever:
"hope is that soft whisper in your heart that says everything's going to be okay." i love that. i hope that he feels that.
2. i spent today on a "silent retreat" at the ruah center in houston. what a gift. i arrived at 8:45am for a tour of the place. then, i met with a spiritual director for about an hour. she gave me some scripture to meditate on. genesis 15:1-6. i had taken 3 books thinking i would read a little from each, pray a little, maybe listen to my ipod. little did i know, that scripture was all i needed. i read it in the chapel. i journaled about it. i thought about it over lunch. i painted/colored images that came from it. it informed my prayers for myself, my family and my friends. God spoke to me through it all day long. i found a place of peace.
this is what i wrote before i left:
~outside~
silence.
a gift given
in a beautiful place
where hospitality blooms
in the midst of winter.
where sun shines
through windows of a dark chapel.
where scripture speaks
to a girl
wanting to be led
outside
to count the stars
placed in the sky
by the One who loves her.
~will she trust Him?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
the packet
after two failed attempts today , i finally found a place to fed-ex my ordination packet! you'll be happy to know that a faithful group of people will be reviewing the following:
an autobiographical statement
a description of my ministry setting
a 22pg paper creatively weaving my theology and evidence of practicing that theology
a 6wk bible study on ezra-nehemiah
a sermon in written form and the preached event on dvd
results from a medical physical examination, including bloodwork
results from a psychological examination and interview
recommendations from various people
my transcript from duke AND the crazy class i'm currently enrolled in
a form that asked all sorts of questions, including one about the state of my brother's marriage (i checked the "happy" box)...yes, i did say my brother
a notarized form saying that i am not a convict
so, there you have it. i hope they like me. they'll meet me in person to decide on march 22nd. thanks for your continued prayers.
an autobiographical statement
a description of my ministry setting
a 22pg paper creatively weaving my theology and evidence of practicing that theology
a 6wk bible study on ezra-nehemiah
a sermon in written form and the preached event on dvd
results from a medical physical examination, including bloodwork
results from a psychological examination and interview
recommendations from various people
my transcript from duke AND the crazy class i'm currently enrolled in
a form that asked all sorts of questions, including one about the state of my brother's marriage (i checked the "happy" box)...yes, i did say my brother
a notarized form saying that i am not a convict
so, there you have it. i hope they like me. they'll meet me in person to decide on march 22nd. thanks for your continued prayers.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
the epiphany
did you know that january 6th we (the church) celebrated epiphany? this marks the event when the wise men followed the star and found baby jesus (matthew 2:1-12). immediately upon sight, they bowed down, worshipped and offered gifts. i wonder what it was like for them to recognize that this precious baby (who probably looked just as precious as we did!) was the king of kings. something must have been different. something was different.
they had seen the light.
last sunday my roommate stephanie challenged us in her sermon. she said, "what would it be like if this year, instead of being transformed by our new year's resolutions, we are transformed by the epiphany that jesus is king?" oh my gosh. that was it. God chose that question at that moment to speak to me....again. something happened.
i have seen the light.
this past week has been full of prayer, conversations, ideas, thoughts, new possibilities and a little fear. i have experienced that passionate and exciting feeling that i hope everyone has regarding the ministry they are engaged in. i have seen, in a new way, how all my past experiences have been preparing me for my next steps. i knew this year would be a year of exploration and growth, but some things have been beyond my imagination. please join me in prayer as i step out on faith and await God's full revelation regarding the ministry to which i am being called.
the light has not fully revealed the plan, but nonetheless i have seen the light. may God give each of us an extra measure of faith as we follow the star and courage as we bow down, worship and offer our gifts.
they had seen the light.
last sunday my roommate stephanie challenged us in her sermon. she said, "what would it be like if this year, instead of being transformed by our new year's resolutions, we are transformed by the epiphany that jesus is king?" oh my gosh. that was it. God chose that question at that moment to speak to me....again. something happened.
i have seen the light.
this past week has been full of prayer, conversations, ideas, thoughts, new possibilities and a little fear. i have experienced that passionate and exciting feeling that i hope everyone has regarding the ministry they are engaged in. i have seen, in a new way, how all my past experiences have been preparing me for my next steps. i knew this year would be a year of exploration and growth, but some things have been beyond my imagination. please join me in prayer as i step out on faith and await God's full revelation regarding the ministry to which i am being called.
the light has not fully revealed the plan, but nonetheless i have seen the light. may God give each of us an extra measure of faith as we follow the star and courage as we bow down, worship and offer our gifts.
Friday, January 1, 2010
the new year
happy new year.
although our christian new year started with the first day of advent, i can't help but embrace the turning of the calendar year. again, it invites us to reflect on the past year and look forward to new beginnings. there is an inherent hopefulness that comes with the first day of a new year for me. somewhat selfishly, i am hopeful for good health and fulfilled desires for my family, friends and me. i am also hopeful that the church will open itself to be led by the Holy Spirit so that it can be bold in sharing the gospel and caring for those in need. really, the list goes on and on...
as i continue to muse on my hopes today, i am meditating on ecclesiastes chapter 3. i am reminded that there is a perfect time for everything. it causes me to wonder what season i'm in and what season i'll find myself in in 2010. verse 11 says,
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
i can't fathom what God has done and what God will do. i am hopeful for specific things for this new year, but i will also try to imagine the big picture and embrace whatever season i find myself in, knowing that God has a plan for me that is good. i hope that my family, friends and the church as a whole can rest in the same truth.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.
although our christian new year started with the first day of advent, i can't help but embrace the turning of the calendar year. again, it invites us to reflect on the past year and look forward to new beginnings. there is an inherent hopefulness that comes with the first day of a new year for me. somewhat selfishly, i am hopeful for good health and fulfilled desires for my family, friends and me. i am also hopeful that the church will open itself to be led by the Holy Spirit so that it can be bold in sharing the gospel and caring for those in need. really, the list goes on and on...
as i continue to muse on my hopes today, i am meditating on ecclesiastes chapter 3. i am reminded that there is a perfect time for everything. it causes me to wonder what season i'm in and what season i'll find myself in in 2010. verse 11 says,
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
i can't fathom what God has done and what God will do. i am hopeful for specific things for this new year, but i will also try to imagine the big picture and embrace whatever season i find myself in, knowing that God has a plan for me that is good. i hope that my family, friends and the church as a whole can rest in the same truth.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.
Friday, December 25, 2009
the additional highlights
since my last entry, here are some additional highlights from the day...i'm selfishly blogging them so i don't forget...
seeing families sit around the huge christmas tree in the lobby and exchange gifts with their loved ones, including their loved one who is here in the hospital. several patients were able to come down from their rooms in wheelchairs and one was even in her hospital bed with all her machines in tow. an empty seat was hard to come by, and the sounds of laughter and children ripping packages open filled the wide open space.
accepting a homemade tamale from my favorite housekeeping friend, elvia. she wanted to share her christmas meal with me. it was hard to accept such a precious gift and have nothing to give in return, yet i am thankful.
chatting with sweet girls (probably 3 and 4) dressed up in thier new pink ruffled skirts, carrying 3 of their favorite christmas gifts each, on their way to see papaw. once we got in the elevator one said, "it smells likes doctors in here. are you a doctor?" laughing, i said, "no, i'm not a doctor." "are you a nurse?" "no, i'm a chaplain." the younger one said, "you're a chocolate?" "no, i'm a chaplain. do you know what that is?" "no." "have you ever been to church?" "yes." "i'm kind of like a pastor or a minister at your church." just then the elevator opened and she was off...she may still think i'm a chocolate.
only a little over an hour to go before i head to austin to see my family...another highlight indeed.
seeing families sit around the huge christmas tree in the lobby and exchange gifts with their loved ones, including their loved one who is here in the hospital. several patients were able to come down from their rooms in wheelchairs and one was even in her hospital bed with all her machines in tow. an empty seat was hard to come by, and the sounds of laughter and children ripping packages open filled the wide open space.
accepting a homemade tamale from my favorite housekeeping friend, elvia. she wanted to share her christmas meal with me. it was hard to accept such a precious gift and have nothing to give in return, yet i am thankful.
chatting with sweet girls (probably 3 and 4) dressed up in thier new pink ruffled skirts, carrying 3 of their favorite christmas gifts each, on their way to see papaw. once we got in the elevator one said, "it smells likes doctors in here. are you a doctor?" laughing, i said, "no, i'm not a doctor." "are you a nurse?" "no, i'm a chaplain." the younger one said, "you're a chocolate?" "no, i'm a chaplain. do you know what that is?" "no." "have you ever been to church?" "yes." "i'm kind of like a pastor or a minister at your church." just then the elevator opened and she was off...she may still think i'm a chocolate.
only a little over an hour to go before i head to austin to see my family...another highlight indeed.
The Christmas Message
Merry Christmas. Peace is here.
That is the text message that I woke up to this morning from my friend Gavin. I have carried that thought with me today. I have wondered, "Is peace really here?" I have hoped that "peace is here." And I have said, "YES! Peace is here!" However, mostly I have found myself wishing that everyone would know Peace is here for and with all of us...that is why we find ourselves gathering to celebrate today.
As I drove to the hospital at 6am this morning, I balanced my time with joyful singing of Christmas carols and peaceful reflection on the gift of Peace being born. The sky was so beautiful against the lit buildings of the Med Center. I prayed that I would be an instrument of Peace today for all those in need of knowing Peace.
As I write this, my day is only half way over. However, it has been full. I'll admit, I was a little sad this morning. I was thinking about how my family was probably waking up, sipping on coffee and enjoying the company of each other. I felt a little lonely. I imagined my nephews passing out the gifts. I wondered what gifts they enjoyed the most.
Well, it wasn't long before I was able to experience some gifts of my own...they have just come in different packages this year. They have been in the form of conversations, prayers, and being wished Merry Christmas more times than I can count from strangers who are here caring for others.
One of my most significant gifts came from "Mr. J." He is a black man who is about 8 years my parents' senior. As I entered the room, he looked very pensive, so I said, "Tell me what you're thinking about today, Mr. J." What he'd been thinking about was several of his past Christmases. One of his most memorable was the year he was on military assignment in a snowy camp with lifelines to keep them from the bears. Another was just four years ago when he was barbecuing cornish hens and received a call that his sister had been rushed to the hospital that morning only to die later that day from a heart attack.
As I continued to listen to him share about his life, one of my favorite stories was an experience he had during the Civil Rights Movement in Tupelo. Mississippi. He found himself knocked down and pushed under a bus during a riot. He said, "My own people ran right over me, but three elderly white women and one of their grandsons saw me and dragged me out from under the bus just before it started moving." They carried him to their home, cleaned him up and nurtured him back to health with food and prayer. These strangers, "the other," gave Mr J. a glimpse of Peace that day. He still stays in touch with some of the family members of those women.
He told me what he loves most in life right now is sitting with his grandchildren and telling them stories about his life, sharing what he's learned, and hoping they will choose to be "Children of the Light." I thought, "What a gift he is giving those kids." Over the course of the hour, I realized I was the recipient of that gift too, and I didn't want to be any other place. Unexpectedly, Mr. J. was the instrument of Peace for me, and I was beginning to think that this Christmas might be one of my most memorable.
My prayer is that we all experience Peace, not just today. Expect it to come in unexpected ways.
Isaiah 9:6-7
6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.
That is the text message that I woke up to this morning from my friend Gavin. I have carried that thought with me today. I have wondered, "Is peace really here?" I have hoped that "peace is here." And I have said, "YES! Peace is here!" However, mostly I have found myself wishing that everyone would know Peace is here for and with all of us...that is why we find ourselves gathering to celebrate today.
As I drove to the hospital at 6am this morning, I balanced my time with joyful singing of Christmas carols and peaceful reflection on the gift of Peace being born. The sky was so beautiful against the lit buildings of the Med Center. I prayed that I would be an instrument of Peace today for all those in need of knowing Peace.
As I write this, my day is only half way over. However, it has been full. I'll admit, I was a little sad this morning. I was thinking about how my family was probably waking up, sipping on coffee and enjoying the company of each other. I felt a little lonely. I imagined my nephews passing out the gifts. I wondered what gifts they enjoyed the most.
Well, it wasn't long before I was able to experience some gifts of my own...they have just come in different packages this year. They have been in the form of conversations, prayers, and being wished Merry Christmas more times than I can count from strangers who are here caring for others.
One of my most significant gifts came from "Mr. J." He is a black man who is about 8 years my parents' senior. As I entered the room, he looked very pensive, so I said, "Tell me what you're thinking about today, Mr. J." What he'd been thinking about was several of his past Christmases. One of his most memorable was the year he was on military assignment in a snowy camp with lifelines to keep them from the bears. Another was just four years ago when he was barbecuing cornish hens and received a call that his sister had been rushed to the hospital that morning only to die later that day from a heart attack.
As I continued to listen to him share about his life, one of my favorite stories was an experience he had during the Civil Rights Movement in Tupelo. Mississippi. He found himself knocked down and pushed under a bus during a riot. He said, "My own people ran right over me, but three elderly white women and one of their grandsons saw me and dragged me out from under the bus just before it started moving." They carried him to their home, cleaned him up and nurtured him back to health with food and prayer. These strangers, "the other," gave Mr J. a glimpse of Peace that day. He still stays in touch with some of the family members of those women.
He told me what he loves most in life right now is sitting with his grandchildren and telling them stories about his life, sharing what he's learned, and hoping they will choose to be "Children of the Light." I thought, "What a gift he is giving those kids." Over the course of the hour, I realized I was the recipient of that gift too, and I didn't want to be any other place. Unexpectedly, Mr. J. was the instrument of Peace for me, and I was beginning to think that this Christmas might be one of my most memorable.
My prayer is that we all experience Peace, not just today. Expect it to come in unexpected ways.
Isaiah 9:6-7
6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
the favorite things
a few of my favorite things:
walks outside
good conversations
a glass of wine (or two!)
listening to stories of people's lives
the sound of laughter
homemade breakfast and yummy coffee
reflecting at a coffee shop
farmer's markets
cooking for potlucks
playing games (and winning!)
meeting new people
cool sunny days
worship
hospital visits
watching children play
smiling
Emmanuel
i was blessed to experience all these things this weekend. what are some of your favorite things? take time to experience them and be thankful.
walks outside
good conversations
a glass of wine (or two!)
listening to stories of people's lives
the sound of laughter
homemade breakfast and yummy coffee
reflecting at a coffee shop
farmer's markets
cooking for potlucks
playing games (and winning!)
meeting new people
cool sunny days
worship
hospital visits
watching children play
smiling
Emmanuel
i was blessed to experience all these things this weekend. what are some of your favorite things? take time to experience them and be thankful.
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